Thursday, April 21, 2011

What do you do when your life becomes meaningless


What do you do when you wake up each morning almost hating yourself and your life? Do you continue going on hoping that things will get better, do you run away and try to start a new life or do you just end things. At some point people find that there lives are not where they want to be. When this occurs you might become angry and hostile. I know I have. I have this feeling on the inside, almost like anxiety. I try to explain to people how things are but no one listens. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. I use to be somewhat happy but things have changed for the worse. My mother and I constantly disagree because I have my boyfriend basically living with me. She feels that he is using me because he does not pay anything towards the rent. I try to explain to her that it is not as if he doesn’t have a place to go. He lives with his cousin but I like for him to stay here because he lives too far to be going back and forth. Honestly, I have become a little dependable on him sometimes. I know that it is not good to be but I have. He helps pay a little of my electricity bill because I noticed the bill jumping up. So he agreed to pay that. But everyone seems so angry. My mother is angry because of finances and because she feels that I am purposely trying to be not part of the family. My boyfriend is angry because I disagree with him and I don’t want to talk about the subject anymore. I just don’t know where things are going anymore because I hate feeling this way. I am trying to just continue going on but I can surely tell you that it is not as easy as many people explain. Maybe I should just simply pretend that everything is ok but then I question what kind of life is that. I just want to be happy and beautiful. It is a selfish want, I know. But I feel that I am the only person that has me. I have to be my own best friend because what happens when they are all gone? What happens when I am by myself and no one answers their phone? We all make different life decisions and choices and change a lot in a year. If you don’t like your life you have to figure out to change something.